14 Apr Confrontations: facing people vs ourselves

How do we master confrontations?

Confronting others and ourselves might be a challenging proposition, however, with the right tools and support, we may find resolutions.

Life experience has taught me that challenges are a means to master ourselves and discover things we never knew before.

Before we delve into specific examples, let’s consider some critical questions:

• Why confront someone at all?
• Is it easier to avoid our challenges so they won’t go away?

If there is one potent lesson to learn in life, it is that problems never simply disappear.

They may seem to have gone away for a while, but whatever you do to avoid them, they’ll reappear sooner or later.

Confrontations may take us into uncharted waters and bring out some of our deeper fears, but through patience and persistence, we will develop grit, confidence and the amazing feeling of relief when the challenge has been conquered.

In the unequivocally relatable words of Morgan Freeman,

“Self-control is strength. Calmness is mastery. You have to get to a point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Don’t allow others to control the direction of your life. Don’t allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence.”

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Now let’s get real.

We all have problems, sometimes with people, ourselves or with something we’re doing.

We have a choice to handle our confrontations or avoid them.

As you can already imagine from this article, our goal is to master the former option.

So how do we solve or confront these issues once we make up our minds to tackle them?

Amy Morin from Psychology Today claims that fears are underlying blocks to overcoming interpersonal challenges and can be handled more easily than one would think.

She goes on to explain,

“Confronting someone in an assertive but kind matter doesn’t have to be scary. In fact, you might find that others welcome your input and agree to create positive change.”

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Let’s challenge ourselves to see confrontations as opportunities.

Despite these opportunities, many of us have a knot in our stomach about confronting a co-worker, family member or significant other.

Someone may have insulted us, disrespected us or perhaps belittled us in some way.

There is unfinished business between us and that person, no doubt.

We don’t have to hold these thoughts inside anymore.

Find a time when you’re in good spirits, and approach the person.

Remember, there are a lot of folks who feel just like you.

They also have fears and may have similar problems with you that you have with them!

That simple thought humbles me when I have a tough topic to bring up with someone.

There are several family members I must talk to on a regular basis and sometimes a compromise is required.

That’s easier said than done, when someone may not be open or ready to change.

Don’t worry, because this process is actually about you and your experience in dealing with it, not the end result.

Be patient and others will admire your resilience.

Be kind and others will thank you rather than cause more havoc in your life.

When you have truly handled things with goodwill, the result doesn’t matter!

It’s all about doing something good and self-improvement anyway.

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Assuming you have come to the point of taking the first step, let’s get started.

• You have a strong will to tackle it
• You have tools that will assist to solve it
• You’re ready to actively talk to someone about the pressing issue

You can easily look inward for more clarity and to easily solve internal battles, preparing yourself for the journey of self confrontation.

Take a minute to read about self-mastery here (go to “Self-Mastery Origins”):
https://wisdomconnections.wordpress.com/2017/08/20/helping-yourself-and-helping-others/

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Sources

• Amy Morin (Oct 2016), 6 Ways to Overcome the Fear of Confrontation, Psychology Today [Online] Available: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201610/6-ways-overcome-the-fear-confrontation [Accessed April 13 2020]