03 Feb The Art of Marriage

Marriage is about more than the union of two people in wedlock.

Many people in modern times speak of marriage as a passion or devotion to something we deem highly important.

In this light, we may be married to our spouse, our career or ourselves for that matter.

This is not to say the traditional meaning of marriage is so diverse.

Thus the meaning of marriage here simply becomes conversational, philosophical or speculative.

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What is marriage really?

Realists or optimists may say that everything we do is a choice, including our relationships, career or time spent alone.

We choose who or what we become married to.

Those choices may lead us to pain or pleasure.

When challenges present themselves, don’t get discouraged.

Maintain the course for a period and put your heart into it.

You may ask, “why bother maintaining a painful relationship, career or personal hobbies?”

Give it a little time and observe any changes in yourself, others or your environment.

Every path we take will present hardships so it’s best to see it through.

It’s true we can simply leave a relationship, activity or environment, however, you will likely encounter more hardships or even the same ones again anyways.

The good news is that positive things will often greet you on the other side.

Blessings such as relief, freedom, wealth, joy or health could be yours.

Try it out and see for yourself.

Making the breakthrough could bring you the thing you needed most, but thought you could not have.

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A personal account of marriage

My wife and I have encountered many miracles in the short three years we have been together.

We have experienced joy, freedom and peacefulness unlike any other time in our lives.

With time and effort, we have been able to support each other and expand our love.

We continue to work on our relationship until this day.

Let me provide an example of our commitment to each other.

As soon as my wife and I were married, we moved in together, with my mother-in-law.

None of us knew how catastrophic our lives would become following September 2015.

My mother-in-law told us on a daily basis how to live.

She told us to eat more meat, quickly have children, talk about money, join our bank accounts and the list goes on.

These are all good things in essence, however, my wife and I were getting stressed out to put it lightly.

This experience was actually a daily struggle for power and control in our home and lives.

My wife and I paid the apartment fees, providing one bedroom and living amenities at no charge to my mother-in-law.

I asked myself, “Does it make sense to have our guest giving the orders, choosing the meals, telling us how to live and what to think?”

My wife said that was their culture so I went along with it for over one year.

At this point, I could not accept our being pressured and manipulated on a daily basis, while everyone was becoming less healthy, angrier and more depressed.

Possibly the greatest threat from my mother-in-law was to our beliefs.

My mother-in-law told my wife not go to a Buddhist temple, nor should I practice Falun Dafa, a spiritual meditation focusing on truth, compassion, tolerance or continue in the marching band and my volunteer activities.

Family time was the only thing that she wanted us to focus on and she was determined to have her way.

The only option we had in my mind, was to face the issue head on.

I took it on myself to hire a professional counsellor to raise my concerns.

I met my wife for weekly coffee meetings for several months in mid 2016.

My wife eventually understood my concerns and even suggested we both see a professional bi-lingual (Mandarin-English speaking) counsellor.

We felt immensely relieved after several short sessions.

As the regular counselling sessions progressed, we understood our family, marriage and ourselves better.

My wife and I both realized we were giving our power away.

We had actually been doing this with many people throughout our lives.

My wife blindly followed her mother and I followed them both.

Since my wife and mother-in-law were born and raised in Taiwan, the counsellor informed us about a famous Chinese philosopher, teacher, editor and politician named Confucius.

He told us that Confucius taught the virtue of filial piety, however, one should also,

“…wisely advise one’s parents, including dissuading them from moral unrighteousness…”

Then with much contemplation, my wife and I agreed to find a new living arrangement for my mother-in-law.

She now lives happily, mostly in Taiwan and visits annually to live in her apartment, which was previously purchased years ago.

She lives close enough to us so we are able to have regular visits.

The struggles, sadness and manipulation at our home came to an end.

We found our peace. We found our joy.

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Today, we still encounter occasional bouts of pressure and control outside our home from my mother-in-law.

My wife and I continue to meet weekly and see our counsellor as needed.

Our marriage has become more open and honest, year by year.

We have enjoyed increased health and freedom by supporting each other as best we can.

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Everything can be resolved with time and patience.

Whatever or whomever you are married to, there will be ups and downs.

That’s life.

It’s all about how you handle it.

When your experiences, career, hobbies, or relationships are golden, savor them.

When things turn sour, stay the course and try your best to find solutions.

Good things await you on the other side.

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Sources

• Wikipedia (January 30 2018) [Online] Available: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confucius [Accessed February 1 2018]
• Wikipedia (February 1 2018) [Online] Available: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_piety
  [Accessed February 1 2018]