15 Jul The Man Cave: A Look at the Inner Sanctum

Where does the man cave concept come from?

According to Wikipedia,
“A man cave or manspace, and less commonly a manland or mantuary is a male retreat or sanctuary in a home, such as a specially equipped garage, spare bedroom, media room, den, or basement…they are a place to be alone, to indulge in hobbies…a male-only space to retreat to watch sports matches, or play video games.”

May I suggest that man caves do not only include watching sports or playing video games. Men simply want their space to “chill out” or express themselves in their own way with no restrictions.

A man’s behaviour reminds me of the hibernating bear in it’s cave. This is a place to rest and rejuvenate.

The only major difference that may be notable between men and bears in this case, is that men do not have the luxury of staying in their caves for several months at a time.

Of course we are mainly referring to married men. Bachelors do not count. You come and go into the man cave as you please with no spouse to be accountable to.

This is not to say we are ruling out a woman’s need for privacy. Women certainly need their space as well and have girl caves in some cases.

Historically, men are more prone to hibernate in their caves, so we will focus on man caves in this case.

Men typically navigate to their caves to unwind or relieve stress. Several hours of music, gaming, movies, etc. can work wonders for men’s overall happiness and well-being. This is something I can testify to from first hand experience.

I’m now under the impression that man caves are an essential part of life, just like food, shelter or finding a life partner. We simply need that space.

Without a space to unwind or man cave, men can be less tolerant or explosive in certain situations.

Consider the words of John Gray, Ph.D., communication and relationship expert, in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus,

“To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone…To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems.”

It’s important to consider what Gray said especially in serious relationships. This may help us to better compromise, understand and discover solid resolutions between men and women.

I make time to visit the man cave weekly. This is part of my weekly routine, so it happens regardless of my stress level.

My wife knows my schedule, thus knows I need that space without interruption. She has agreed to respect my space.

In return, I am eager to support or listen to her in more situations. This makes her happy, thus she is also getting what she needs.

This one small change has made a huge impact on our marriage: understanding and accepting our differences. Many heated conversations or fights that arise are rooted in miscommunication and misunderstandings. Now those conflicts are more often replaced with an open mind to understand and accept each other.

Gray explains the importance of men and women accepting each other,

“When the Martians were completely preoccupied and in their caves, the Venusians also did not take it personally…When the Martians thereby felt loved and accepted, the Venusians discovered that the Martians would more quickly come out of their caves.”

The man cave may be laughed at or called a waste of time by some folks. Fortunately, it is becoming more accepted as an important part in a man’s life.

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Man caves are truly a man’s oasis in terms of the ultimate entertainment center.

This reminds me of growing up in the 90’s. Kids often had TVs, video games, and stereos in their bedrooms. If kids were stressed out or needed alone time, there was a bedroom to rest in. It was pretty cool.

Twenty years later, things haven’t appeared to change much in terms of the man cave’s basic structure.

I often go to the cave to switch on my 37″ computer monitor, plug in the headphones, crank up the volume and play a favourite song or video game.

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Sources

• Man cave (No Date) Wikipedia [Online] Available: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_cave [Accessed July 16 2017]
• Gray, John. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. HarperCollins Publishers, 2012.